Mom Can't Live Alone Anymore. What Do We Do First?

What do you do when Mom can't live alone anymore? In this episode, Charisse Hurst walks through the first four steps every family should take before making major financial or care decisions. Learn why understanding your loved one's care needs, legal documents, and financial picture can help you avoid costly mistakes and make confident decisions during a long-term care crisis.

Transcript

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Welcome to Outsmarting the Cost of Long-Term Care, the podcast that helps families make confident decisions during a long-term care crisis. I'm your host, Sharice Hearst, the founder of Echo Consulting, and I'm glad you're here. Welcome to Outsmarting the Cost of Long-Term Care. This is Sharice Hearst here, your host and founder of Echo Consulting. If you're listening today, chances are something has changed in your family. Maybe your mom has been diagnosed with dementia, your dad had a stroke, a loved one fell and was hospitalized, or maybe the doctor looked at you and said something that you never expected to hear. Your mom can't safely live alone anymore. If that's where you are today, first I want to tell you this. Take a deep breath. You're not supposed to know exactly what to do. Most families have never been through something like this before, so you got to keep that in mind. Every week I meet with families who tell me the same thing. It all happened so fast. In fact, just this week, I met with a daughter whose mother had been living just fine. Nothing wrong with her, doing great, living independently just a few months ago. And then suddenly, earlier this year, a few months ago, she suffered several strokes. And almost, no, not almost, literally. Literally. Because at first it was a few mini strokes, and boom, just back to back, a couple weeks later, a massive stroke. And overnight, everything changed. She just looked at me and said, She's like, I I never, I, I never thought this would happen. I didn't expect this. I don't, I don't even know where to start. And if that's how you're feeling today, this episode is for you. So today I want to walk you through the first four things that I believe from my experience that every family should do before making any financial or care decisions. Step one is to understand what's changed. When a crisis happens, everybody is going to start giving you advice. Do you hear me? Your neighbor, the people at church, your family members, everybody's got advice. The hospital is now asking about discharge. Your siblings are gonna have opinions. Someone's gonna tell you, oh, you need to apply for Medicaid immediately. Somebody's gonna say, oh, you need to drop Medicare. Another person's gonna say, sell the house. I mean, it's I've heard it all. But before you make a single major decision, I want you to stop and ask yourself one question. What has actually changed? What level of care does your loved one truly need today? You gotta understand that. What level of care they need and where do they need to receive that care? Can they safely remain at home with help? Would home care be enough? Would assisted living now be appropriate? Or does memory care make more sense? Or has the situation reached a point to where skilled nursing care in a nursing facility is truly the safest option? Those are very different situations. And the answer to those questions, this one question of what has actually changed is going to influence every decision that comes next. Step two, find out who has the legal authority to help. This is something that families don't often think about until they're already in a crisis. And you guys, this is something that can be completed so quickly and so easily. Just because you're someone's daughter, or just because your name is listed on the bank account as the beneficiary, or as you know, the POD pay on death, or you know, even if it's a joint bank account, or even just because you're somebody's spouse, it does not automatically mean you have the legal authority to make financial or medical decisions for them. And right now I'm specifically talking about here in Texas because that is where my firm primarily operates, even though we do help in other states as well, but this is where we primarily operate. One of the first questions I always ask families is Do you have durable, a durable financial power of attorney? Do you have medical power paternity? Let's start there. If you do, that is wonderful. The next question is, where are they? Where are the documents? You'd be surprised how many families and how often I hear, we know mom signed something years ago, but we can't find it. As a matter of fact, I heard that today. Or my sister thinks she's a power of attorney, but we're not really sure. These are real situations, you guys, that I encounter often, and I want to admonish you to take care of this early. If your loved one still has the mental capacity to sign these documents, getting them in place may be one of the most important things you do. Because, just like the young lady that I spoke with earlier this week, things may be all good today. They could have a massive stroke tomorrow. If your loved one no longer has the legal capacity to sign, then your options will become much more limited. And so, and and and we'll in another podcast we'll go into what those very limited set of options are. But one thing I want you to remember: you can't make a good financial decision if you don't have the legal authority to make it. Step three: gather information before you make decisions. Gather all of the information you need to understand and see the entire puzzle, not just pieces of it. So now's the time you gather information. You don't make decisions, you gather information. So many families make financial decisions before they even know what their loved one truly has. Before you move money, before you sell a home, transfer assets, decide on a facility that they may need to move for for care, decide on home help, before you apply for nursing home Medicaid, take inventory. What income is coming in every month? What are the sources of those income? How much money is in the bank? And it's not just about the money that's in the bank. Are there retirement accounts? You need to know if there are retirement accounts and are they IRAs? Are there annuities? Is there life insurance? If there's life insurance, we need to see the full policy. You need to know what type of life insurance is this? Is this life insurance that builds cash value? Is this life insurance that can be used to help pay for care? What monthly bills still need to be paid? And is there a healthy spouse who is still going to continue living at home? Oh my goodness. Is there a healthy spouse that's going to still continue to live at home? If there is, there's even more reason why you need to understand their financial picture first. Because that healthy spouse is still going to need to survive living at home, too. Families get get into trouble when they make decisions before they have all the information. When I meet with the family, I'm not just looking at one account or one problem. I'm looking at the entire picture. Because that's how you uncover opportunities, planning opportunities, opportunities to preserve assets, opportunities to make sure that the healthy spouse is still going to be able to survive, that they'll be taken care of, opportunities if there is a disabled child who is still living at home, or maybe if it's a disabled child that's still living in a facility, to make sure that they are going to be taken care of. A chance to just uncover all of these planning opportunities that most families often don't know exist. Step four don't let panic make permanent decisions. A lot of times I see families making permanent financial decisions based on temporary emotions. Someone says, Let's just give everything to the kids. Let's sell a house. We need to spend all the money so mom can qualify for nursing home Medicaid. Maybe that's the right decision. Maybe it isn't. But don't make those decisions because someone at the hospital, a neighbor, or even a well-meaning friend told you to do that because that's what everybody else does. Keep in mind, every family is different. And if you're sitting across someone who's giving you a decision and it's not someone who works with different families every day, understands all of the pieces of your family's puzzle and understands all of the planning options that are available out there, you can't take their advice. Every financial situation is different. Every care situation is different. You gotta understand your options first and then make your decisions. So be careful when it comes to who you're listening to. Make sure that that's someone that's not just speaking from personal experience, because your situation may be completely different from what their family's situation was. And yes, it worked for them, but it could be devastating for you and your family. If there's one thing I hope you remember from today's episode, is this you don't have to know all the answers today. You simply need to avoid making the wrong decisions while you're looking for the right answers. When someone you love can no longer live alone, your first responsibility isn't to solve every problem overnight. It's to understand the situation. It's to make sure the right people have the legal authority to act. It's to gather the facts and make sure that you're sitting with someone that has the ability, the experience, the tools, and the know-how to make sure that you're making thoughtful decisions each step of the way in this long-term care journey. That is exactly what planning is about. So I want to thank you for joining me today. And if your family is facing a long-term care crisis and you're unsure of what to do next, I'd encourage you to seek guidance before making financial or medical decisions. At Echo Consulting, we help families evaluate the entire picture from care needs and legal documents to financial resources and long-term care funding strategies so that they can move forward with confidence. To learn more or schedule a consultation, you can visit us at echofc.com or give our office a call at 713 822 5348. Until next time, take care of yourself and take care of the people you love.